Ladies, what’s on your list?  No not your grocery list. I’m talking about THE LIST, the list of all the characteristics, qualities and attributes you want your perfect man to have. What does the man of your dreams need? Does he have to be light skin? Does he need washboard abs? Does he need to make at least 60K? Does he need to call his mom five times a week? If you could build your perfect man from scratch what is everything you would put in him to make him your image of a perfect man?

Let’s say you’ve made this list and have your perfect man all planned out, how long is this list of yours and how much are of it are you willing to compromise on? Yes you read that right! How much of your list are you willing to compromise on? Now we all know that in this world you will not get everything you want. We also know that in relationships it’s all about compromise but how much do we have to compromise before it is considered settling? If there are fifteen points on my list and a guy I’m dating only meets eight is that settling? How much are you supposed to give up so that you don’t end up old, alone and bitter?

If I had to give a few examples of the things on my list I’d say some would have to be 6’2 and taller, brown skin, must have a college degree, must have a steady job, must have a relationship with God, must be spontaneous, must speak sarcasm as a second language, must be willing to try new things and the list goes on. Now let’s say I meet a man who is 5’10, high yellow, with a college degree but has no job and he is developing a relationship with God. This man shows genuine interest in me and so far has treated me just as I want to be treated. If I decided to date this man would I be settling? He has less than half of the things that I want in a man but I believe he has potential and I like the way he treats me so far. Does that count for anything? By definition, settling is allowing things to happen to you. It’s a weak and inactive word. It reflects a state of stagnancy. When I hear the word “settle” in regards to dating and relationships I think of giving up and just taking what’s left. Its like, “Oh, well I can’t find anybody else so I guess I will just take you.” Is that what I’m doing if I date this man who has mostly nothing that I like in a guy? Yes I know most of these are wants a may not make for the best partner but when seeking a partner this is the outline of a man that I’m looking for, so how far from it should I stray? What about when you’re in an actual relationship how much do you have to bend to keep your relationship in tact? I remember in my last relationship I would “compromise” so much. I say “compromise” because at the time I didn’t know I was actually settling. I would accept almost every excuse in the book if he didn’t want to do something, or try something and I would just try to convince myself that it was ok and I can’t force him to be into something. Little did I realize that I was hindering my own happiness. I would not do so many things because this man didn’t want to do it with me. It’s so easy to slip into the settling zone and once you get out of it you never want to go back.

I get asked all the time now when will I be ready to get into a new relationship (mainly by my parents smh) and when they ask I usually say when I find a man with everything I want. I give the whole I’m not settling speech and even begin to list some of the things that I want in a new man. Now I don’t necessarily have a long list, probably about 10 things I would only consider compromising on if God introduced me to this man himself, so therefore I don’t think I’m too hard of a person to please. Personally my list isn’t very long for two reasons. One is because to me you can find love in the strangest places and two is because of the saying “If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him yours plans.” No matter how much we plan and look for a man to fit into our plan God is only going to bring into our lives that He has made perfect for us. But with all that aside, since I don’t have a long list that leaves less room for compromising. How far from the guidelines you set for yourself are you allowed to stray until you’ve just accepted whatever you’ve been presented with?